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February 20, 2011


It would be great if he would write something. People who don't have any experience with DI don't understand it at all. So much stigma on it. I wish my husband felt comfortable enough because I would love to do an article about us.

I wish it didn't carry such a stigma too.

Hi - I am donor-conceived(DC) via anonymous sperm and I found the piece interesting as well. I don't think DI moms are whackadoos at all! :) My mom certainly isn't, on the contrary it takes TREMENDOUS strength to deal with infertility. She endured great pain and heartbreak to have me. I think for lesbian and gay couples the scenario is a bit healthier because they must tell the child and while there is some loss felt, the child is not shrouded in the same secrecy and shame many of us from heterosexual couples deal with. Our parents often were told to lie to their children with which I don't agree. I write a lot about my experience on my own blog Connect It - connectitblog.blogspot.com and will list your blog as a resource.

What's interesting in reading your posts (which I also enjoy) is that I and many of my DC peers experience some of the same hostility and loss you describe. Unfortunately, many parents can become defensive when we expressed our discontent with anonymous donation and the loss we feel for not knowing a genetic parent. Many say we should just "be grateful" to exist and get over the need to know the genetic parent. However if I said that to a friend dealing with infertility, that she should "be grateful" to exist and not seek to have children or maybe just adopt --- I would be lambasted online. There is a slight double standard.

Many Moms opt for AI via an anonymous donor rather than adopt...because they seek genetic connection to a child. On the flip side, so too does the child crave such a connection and should not be judged differently.

My Very Best,
Girl Conceived

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