DI Mom

Semantics

DI really screws with your head sometimes.

I will say something like "where's my boy?" or "would my boy like some peaches?", etc., and I'll actually wonder if I am subconsciously emphasizing that I'm the "genetic parent".

The thing is, if Ben was adopted, I would still say the same thing.  Because he is mine and he is also Louis'.

Some of the things your brain will grab on to in regards to DI are very odd.  Do any of you find yourself obsessing over non-issues?

Appearances

I remember, when we we reading the donor profiles, how I agonized over the facial features of each prospective donor.  "It doesn't say if his earlobes are detached!" "What does prominent forehead mean?" "What is an average sized nose?"  Oh, those questions kept me up a night!  I wanted so badly to find a donor with features similar to Louis. 

Turns out, I didn't have to worry.  I saw some pictures of a girl who was conceived via our donor (Ben's genetic half sister) and those two couldn't look more different.  The only thing they have in common is their chin.  Even their eye color is different.  It just goes to show how funny the Wheel of Genetics is when it comes to spitting out physical characteristics.

If you'd like to see a recent picture of Ben, it's up on my other blog.

Book review

I am fairly disappointed by how few books there are about DI.  While there is a lot of information on the internet, I think that reading a variety of first-hand narratives would be helpful for people who are just beginning to consider DI.  So, I was very pleased when I found a new book titled Making Babies the Hard Way: Living with Infertility and Treatment.  This book follows a British couple as they go from diagnosis of azoospermia to exploring various treatments to deciding how many cycles are too many. (Boy, do I remember agonizing over that point!)

While some of the procedures and costs are different in the UK, their experience closely mirrored our own.  Because it is based on a diary that the author kept, she includes some very intimate and intense conversations that she and her husband had in regards to infertility.  These events clearly highlight the need for both parties to be in full agreement before embarking on the DI journey.

At times, the story line is a little muddled. The author has a lot of friends in whom she confides and it is sometimes difficult remember who is who.  She is also a practicing Buddhist and writes about that quite a bit.  (It's a little odd so see Buddhist terms mixed in with infertility jargon in the glossary.)  Overall, though, I think that this book is a worthwhile read, especially for those just starting out.

Connections

My blog list is terribly out of date and I would like it to include some of the people who read this blog.  If you would like to be included in the list, would you please leave a comment to this entry?

Decided to stay

I've decided to leave this blog up.  I've been thinking it over and I still have some things to say about DI and, as I am trying to keep the other blog "mainstream", it would be nice to have a place to put my thoughts.

So, this blog will stay but the posts may be spread out a bit.  A teaser to keep me on your feeds list, Louis will be doing a guest posting soon about his views on DI and fatherhood.

Also, if you read my other blog, please don't put any DI related comments there.  I will be sharing that blog with some people who don't know that we used DI and I'd rather keep it that way.  Thanks!

Time to move?

I haven't posted in a while, as all five you you may have noticed...

I am considering taking down DI Mom.  I'm having a increasingly difficult time keeping things to mostly DI related stuff and not going on and on about Ben.  I think that this is insensitive to those who are in the IF trenches. 

** Edited to add: my new blog is here  I'll leave this one up until the end of August **

Operation SAHD

Daycare is killing me. 

When I returned to work when Ben was 7 weeks, we put him in a private home setting with a day care provider who had a 8 month old daughter.  It worked really well, at first, but then we began to realize that she had some severe psychological problems that were becoming more evident due to stress (she was also a part-time law student).  We then moved him to a center at a church near my work.  The center has a dedicated baby room and they have 1 care giver for every 3 children but Ben is having a hard time adjusting to any sort of schedule there.  Basically, he refuses to sleep in the morning and the only reason he sleeps at all is because I nurse him at noon and he falls asleep then.  This is resulting in one cranky little boy!  By the time we get home, he's so exhausted that he has problems winding down and it ends up with everyone having a bad night.

Louis and I have been debating about how to best handle this.  We think Ben would do best if he was at home and someone came in but trying to find a nanny is really tough (and very expensive).  Luckily, one of Louis' daughters used to be a nanny and she doesn't have a job lined up after finishing grad school.  She is willing to come and work for us but she just applied for some counseling program so we have to wait to hear if she was accepted or not.

If she does become our nanny, our ultimate goal is for her to work for us for a year.  At that time, Louis will be fully vested so he will "retire" from his job and become a SAHD.  We are really excited about this!  I think that the kids will really benefit from having their dad with them every day.  I also think it will help me deal with being a WOHM.  Knowing that my children are being cared for by their father will allow me to focus on my work instead of wasting the morning, worrying that Ben isn't sleeping, or his teeth are bothering him, or he's extra fussy today, or...

I can't wait!

Fabulous news!

We were able to locate SIX more vials from our donor!  Hooray!  If all goes well, we expect to begin TTC again next summer.  I'd really like a spring baby (last summer was really tough on me) and that would put at least 2.5 years between the kids.  A nice space, we think.

When I found out about the vials last Thursday, I actually began to tear up.  I had just been thinking about how we would go about selecting the new donor (match on Ben?) when Louis encouraged me to try this one last avenue.  I know I keep saying that genetics aren't the end all and be all but I am just (what? relieved? thankful? happy?) that Ben will have someone else who is "just like him", genetically.  I know that if we hadn't located these extra vials, Ben would have been just fine with whatever sibling he would have but I just feel like this will make it easier for him somehow.

Eh, chalk it up to being a mother who is a little off her rocker right now...

At-home fertility testing

According to an article in yesterday's NY Times, you may now purchase an at-home fertility testing kit that has his and hers components.

I like the fact that there is a male component to the test.  The article estimates that 50% of fertility problems are male factor yet when infertility is suspected, it is often the woman who has a million tests.  Maybe being able to run a cursory semen analysis from the comfort of their own home will reduce some of the stress that is involved in fertility testing.  It would definitely be a benefit for those who do not do well in a clinical setting.

You see what you believe

Louis has been posting pictures of Ben outside of his cubicle at work and I am amazed at the comments that he receives.  The majority of people at his work says the Ben looks just like him.  The majority of the people at my work says Ben looks just like me.  And then there is my brother and sister-in-law, who know that we used DI, who says that Ben has a lot of Louis' traits.

I know some people get all worked up about the possibility that a DI baby will not look like his father but I am convinced, baring a difference in ethnicity, people will never pick up on it.  If someone believes that a child is the biological offspring of a certain man, they will see a resemblance between the child and the man. 

Louis told me about a man who posted on the DI Dads Yahoo Group a few weeks ago.  He is afraid that when he is out with his children, people will automatically know that he is not related to them biologically and that people might think that he kidnapped them or something.  I wish I could just tell this man that people will have absolutely no clue.  He is their father and as long as he acts as such, that is how he will be perceived.  Ben may or may not look like Louis (he's 6 months old, a bit young to tell) but there is no doubt from the way that they act that they are father and son.

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And now for some show and tell: Ben's early forays into solid food.