DI Mom

Struggling

I love Ben so very much but sometimes he drives me absolutely insane!  He's been fighting a viral infection that has finally come to a head over the weekend.  He has been very whiney since Saturday and his napping and eating are all over the map.  I know it is because he is sick but it is becoming very difficult for me to be around him for long.  This morning I actually shut the bathroom door while I was getting ready so I wouldn't have to listen to him whine while Louis was fixing his lunch.  Of course, I immediately felt guilty.  What kind of mother would ignore her child like that?  Especially after we went through so much to have him.  I should love to spend every second with him, no matter what.  Right?

I know that those feelings are wrong.  I know that any mother sometimes needs a few moments of quiet to preserve her own sanity.  I know that just because we had to "work" for him, that doesn't make us bad parents if we don't love being with him every single second.   Some days I forget that, though, and those are the days that I feel like The World's Worst Mother.

Maybe I should make a little cross stitch sampler to remind me that I am allowed to be frustrated sometimes and it's even okay to close the door.

Operation SAHD

Daycare is killing me. 

When I returned to work when Ben was 7 weeks, we put him in a private home setting with a day care provider who had a 8 month old daughter.  It worked really well, at first, but then we began to realize that she had some severe psychological problems that were becoming more evident due to stress (she was also a part-time law student).  We then moved him to a center at a church near my work.  The center has a dedicated baby room and they have 1 care giver for every 3 children but Ben is having a hard time adjusting to any sort of schedule there.  Basically, he refuses to sleep in the morning and the only reason he sleeps at all is because I nurse him at noon and he falls asleep then.  This is resulting in one cranky little boy!  By the time we get home, he's so exhausted that he has problems winding down and it ends up with everyone having a bad night.

Louis and I have been debating about how to best handle this.  We think Ben would do best if he was at home and someone came in but trying to find a nanny is really tough (and very expensive).  Luckily, one of Louis' daughters used to be a nanny and she doesn't have a job lined up after finishing grad school.  She is willing to come and work for us but she just applied for some counseling program so we have to wait to hear if she was accepted or not.

If she does become our nanny, our ultimate goal is for her to work for us for a year.  At that time, Louis will be fully vested so he will "retire" from his job and become a SAHD.  We are really excited about this!  I think that the kids will really benefit from having their dad with them every day.  I also think it will help me deal with being a WOHM.  Knowing that my children are being cared for by their father will allow me to focus on my work instead of wasting the morning, worrying that Ben isn't sleeping, or his teeth are bothering him, or he's extra fussy today, or...

I can't wait!

Vacation!

No, the tomatoes didn't kill me.  We were on vacation for a week and I was so swamped with real work when we returned that I haven't been able to post until now.

We had a fabulous time!  We drove down to Chincoteague, VA (of Misty fame) and just relaxed for a week. 

The views from our hotel room balcony, looking toward VA.

Luckily, Hurricane Florence stayed far enough away that we didn't experience too much bad weather.  The surf was quite impressive, though!

Something that actually made me feel small!

And, of course, there was the wildlife
Seagulls

Egrets               

and lots of ducks!



But don't forget the horses


We also saw two pods of dolphins but were not able to get any pictures. 
All in all, it was very nice and much needed.  Now we are ready for the nine more weeks until baby day!


 

Wild America

We have a new neighbor.  Louis first spotted him on Sunday and we saw him again on Monday.  "He" is a beaver!  We live in the suburbs, for cryin' out loud!  What is a beaver doing living under our shed?  Not only are we in the 'burbs, we live in our state's capital city.  Granted, 10 miles out (if that) from the center of town in any direction is farm land but still!  It's so absurd, animal control laughed when Louis called to ask what to do about it on Monday.  I literally grew up on Podunk Lake and the most exotic animals I saw were snapping turtles and leeches.  This has been one weird summer!

If I see any moose or caribou go wandering by, I'll let you know.

The summer of the tomatoes

This summer and this pregnancy will forever be associated in my mind with tomatoes.

The house that Louis and I bought last fall is a nice, brick ranch, built in the 50s and is on 1/2 acre of land.  Now, having lived on the East Coast for 11 years, the thought of all of that land made me down-right giddy.  I under-estimated what it would do to Louis.

The back yard had a nice little fenced in area that was once used for a garden but had fallen in to disrepair several years ago.  We thought it would be an excellent place to put our own garden.  So, Memorial Day weekend, we trucked over to a local nursery and began picking various vegetable plants.  While I was milling through the various herbs and peppers and lettuces, Louis had stationed himself in front of the tomatoes.  Now, I have always known the he loves tomatoes and I knew he would purchase a fair number of plants but I had not anticipated what the final plant count would be.  Even after we purchased them, I didn't really know how many we had.  The next day, however, when we were planting, I finally did the math.  150 tomato plants.  Holy cow!  And I'm talking big producers like cherry, grape, and Roma (plus about 6 other varieties).  And, because our soil is so good, all of the plants are producing.  A lot.

So we now have a tomato routine.  Every night, Louis picks a slew (I need to weigh them but it's at least 10 pounds).  I sort out the really ripe ones for us to bring to work the next day. The rest are saved for the weekend for me to process in some way.  Right now, I'm just keeping even with the harvest but I fear I may soon begin losing ground.

If I don't post anything for a while it is because a pile of tomatoes collapsed and trapped me in the kitchen!

Happy Birthday!

Today is Louis' 50th birthday!  Of course, such a big birthday is cause for quite a bit of reflection.  Over the past few days, we have talked at length about how things have change over the years, especially in regards to attitudes and actions.

Of course, I'm finding it somewhat amusing that, as he is turning 50, his wife (who is a few years younger, ah hem) is 23 weeks pregnant.  How his co-workers are handling it is especially funny.  He has pictures of his two grandkids (1 year old and 4 months old) hanging on the outside of his cubicle.  He also added a copy of Ben's ultrasound with all of the pertinent data.  When people find out that Ben is his son, not his grandson, the women are shocked and the men give him an "atta boy"  Very funny!

Anyway, happy birthday, honey!  I hope the next fifty years are even better than the first!

Jasmine

Louis and I have 7 house rabbits -- I feel like I should be in Rabbit Owners Anonymous when I say that.  People always look shocked when I tell them but, as I like to justify it, we really only have three.  Okay, stay with me.  We have one set of three -- Lucy, Roswell and Spot, AKA "The Big Bunnies"-- and two pairs -- Hoppy and Zoe, AKA "The Inside Bunnies"*, and Jasmine and Alvin, AKA "The Little Bunnies" since they are smaller breeds than the others.  So, see?  Three!  Why doesn't anyone ever buy that logic?

All of these bunnies have a hard luck story.  When we were on the East Coast, we worked for several years with a rabbit rescue and, one by one, we felt to give homes to these bunnies.  Jasmine and Alvin's owner was stricken with severe rheumatoid arthritis and she was no longer able to care for them.  She is the one who took this picture

Jasmine is the fluffy one and Alvin is the little guy with the small ears.

Louis and I were reluctant to take them, at first, because Jasmine was special needs.  She had splayed front legs so she could not hop properly and, with her long hair, we knew grooming her would be difficult.  The hair would become very knotted as she pushed herself along.  But, we knew they would never find a home so we accepted them.

They have lived with us for three years.  Alvin has always been more reserved in his affection but Jasmine has been the sweetest little thing I've ever seen.  And, she's a bit daft.  She reminds me of the chicken on Chicken Run who was always asking if they were going on holiday.  She loved to have her head rubbed and she'd lick your other hand, in return.  And treats!  For a rabbit who had mobility problems, she sure could move when she heard the treat container!  Poor Alvin, more than once she would steal the treat right out of his mouth!  She has given us so much love.  I am so thankful that we decided to take her.

Unfortunately, her health has been declining over the past few months.  She just wasn't as mobile as she once was and didn't really play anymore.  I noticed last Saturday that she was no longer using one of her front legs to move.  By Sunday, it was both front legs and by Monday, one her back legs was also affected.  She just sat in her litter box area and pushed herself around in circles.  I was feeding and watering her by hand but, when she would no longer eat her greens on Tuesday, we knew it was time to ease her suffering.  We took her in and had her put to sleep on Wednesday.  It was truly a horrible experience due to the insensitivity of the hospital staff but I will save that for another post (maybe).

We brought her home and let Alvin say goodbye.  Louis buried her in our garden and we will plant a tree or bush over her grave, something that will produce fluffy white flowers would be appropriate.

She is the fifth bunny that I've had to say goodbye to.  It never gets any easier.  I know that we did the right thing but I still feel like I failed her.  "If only" are two of the least productive words in the English language.

Goodbye, sweet girl, I'm sorry you had to leave us but I hope you healthy and whole now.

*They are all "inside bunnies" but these two are in a penned off area whereas the trio have their own room.