We are in an indefinite holding period. We have a line on some more vials from our donor but they won't be availabe for at least another month, maybe more. We've considered using a different donor but we'll be out of town this month and next month will be right before Christmas so I don't know if that stress will be conducive to conception. So, we wait - and I fret.
I am a total Type A personality and not having control over this important aspect of my life drives me absolutely bonkers. I let it stress me out way too much and I know that stress affects my cycle and health. I need to stop. I also need to stop obsessing about other pregnancies. I'm becoming very jealous and spiteful. I was even a little glad when my co-worker told me on Monday that she wasn't pregnant (they've been trying for a year). Jeez, schadenfreude anyone? I don't like the person I am becoming.
How can I expect to become pregnant when my heart is so dark?
You're being very hard on yourself. IF is a very hard thing to live with.
And as far as your co-worker is concerned, are you sure it's schadenfreude?
My co-worker is PG - after trying for just under a year. On one level I'm pleased she escaped IF, still it hurts too. I'm bitter because I know so well what she escaped from.
If having negative feelings was enough to prevent PG, there would be little need for birth control.
Posted by: LutC | November 11, 2010 at 03:25 PM