I've said many times in many venues that I don't believe that genetics makes the family. The bond that our family has has nothing to do with genes. I honestly do believe that.
That said, why did I cry like a baby when I first found out that more vials of Ben's donor were available? Why do I feel totally numb knowing that Ben will never have a full bio-sibling?
I feel like our brand of infertility has stolen so much from us, from me. Yes, we have a wonderful and much loved son but the cost has been so very high. How much longer can we go on like this? And, knowing that our donor is no longer an option, the cost of a subsequent child has just gone several notches (I hope you realize I'm not referring to financial costs but rather emotional and psychic).
This morning while we were getting ready to go to school and work, I had an overwhelming urge to apologize for failing to give him this sibling. I now feel like it has cost him, too. I know that if we were to try one more cycle and have the amazing luck of it working, Ben would like that child like nothing else in the world. But I wouldn't be able to help but wonder, at least occasionally, what could have been.
As so often, a journey into the unknown had revealed more about the traveller's home than about the destination.
Posted by: Chanel Handbags | February 13, 2011 at 09:48 PM