After our failed doctor assisted IUIs in 2002, we decided to pursue international adoption. We decided on China, were accepted by the agency, and were working on our home study - we had just completed our application to the home study agency when I decided that I wanted to try one more time.
When we were on the adoption track, we were completely committed. We attended a conference that our agency sponsored in NJ to learn about various aspect of Chinese adoption. We had picked out a name for our daughter, Leah Mae, and I had even purchased a few items based on what I thought her size would likely be when we brought her home (boy, was I naive about how long the process really takes!) We felt very ready for this daughter.
After Ben was born, we obviously didn't need any pink dresses so they remained in a little box marked "Leah". Every move, we take them along with us. Now that we're trying again, I wonder if we'll get a chance to use them. If we do have a daughter - and Louis dreamed a long time ago that we'd have an older son and a baby girl - she won't be Leah. Leah doesn't belong to this world, just to my heart. I sometimes wonder, in a Sliding Doors kind of way, what would have happened if we had brought Leah home. Would we still have Ben and be wondering about another?I know there are some who feel that you can select for gender based on when the egg is fertilized. I think our chances of a boy are pretty high, considering when we inseminated and our donor's statistics (3 boys, 1 girl). But what if we have a girl? I'm sure she will be as wonderful as Leah would have been.
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