Love and Hate

I hate how much work it is for us to become pregnant.  I hated analyzing every little thing about the various donors - only to find that they were sold out when we went to order and then we had to start the whole process again.  I hate that we tried 2 cycles already with no results.  I hate that we only have enough vials for a full sibling to try 2 more times. I hate that we will never have an "oops" baby.  I hate that I have to temp every day and worry about my luteal phase and worry about "stair step" rises (WTF! I just learned about that today).  I hate having to pee on a stick 3 times a day before ovulation so I can catch the exact timing of my surge.  I hate always second guessing what my body is doing and worrying that something is wrong.   I hate not knowing.

On the other hand...I love our beautiful son.  I love how close the AI process makes Louis and I feel.  I love that he is more in tune with me than most men would be with their wives.  I love seeing the smiley face on the OPK.  I love seeing "pregnant" on the digital tests.  I just want to see that one more time.

Comments

[ultimatejourney]

I just wanted to say hi and tell you you're not alone. We are also on our third DI cycle of this go-around. My DI daughter is 2.5. We also have limited chances for a full sibling. I really want a full sibling for her, but cycling has been hard. Not as hard as the first time around, but hard in its own way. I am definitely still mourning the fact that we can't conceive the 'normal' way, and hate so many of the same things about the process as you do.

I know I'm lucky to have one amazing child. But I, too, want one more.

Feel free to email me. I would love to have a DI cycling buddy.

-Emily (ultimatejourney at gmail dot com)

[Julie (DI Mom)]

Thanks, Emily. Are you trying again soon?

[VA Blondie]

Great post! Thanks for sharing.

[sharah]

Here from the roundup. It can be as hard or harder trying for the 2nd - you know how wonderful it is to get to the other side and you just want to be there again.

[Kristin]

Here from the roundup...while my path through infertility was very different, I too have a serious love/hate relationship with it. Great post.

[Kami]

Here from the roundup. I hear you. It sucks in so many ways, but also very much worth it.

[Emanon]

Here from Mel's Round Up...loved your beautiful ending. And I hope it truly does become a a beautiful ending for you.

[adult chat]

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