Struggling

I love Ben so very much but sometimes he drives me absolutely insane!  He's been fighting a viral infection that has finally come to a head over the weekend.  He has been very whiney since Saturday and his napping and eating are all over the map.  I know it is because he is sick but it is becoming very difficult for me to be around him for long.  This morning I actually shut the bathroom door while I was getting ready so I wouldn't have to listen to him whine while Louis was fixing his lunch.  Of course, I immediately felt guilty.  What kind of mother would ignore her child like that?  Especially after we went through so much to have him.  I should love to spend every second with him, no matter what.  Right?

I know that those feelings are wrong.  I know that any mother sometimes needs a few moments of quiet to preserve her own sanity.  I know that just because we had to "work" for him, that doesn't make us bad parents if we don't love being with him every single second.   Some days I forget that, though, and those are the days that I feel like The World's Worst Mother.

Maybe I should make a little cross stitch sampler to remind me that I am allowed to be frustrated sometimes and it's even okay to close the door.

Comments

[JuliaS]

Yes - parenting can be frustrating no matter how you arrive at it. Own your feelings - work it, work it - work it good sister!

But yeah - I am constantly amazed at how much I expect myself to love every second of it sometimes just as much as some people expect me to as well.

I mean let's face it - the fact that you paid an awful lot in money, blood, sweat and tears to have the opportunity to have mac and cheese with hot dogs barfed all over you doesn't lessen the ick factor any . . . and it certainly doesn't make you any less of a mom.

[annacyclopedia]

Thanks for this great post. It's a good dose of reality for me that I'm going to struggle with motherhood, too. Once I get there... I'm very close to my 2 sisters and 3 nephews, and it's often very hard for me to hear that they are struggling, feeling frustrated or irritated with their kids. All I want to hear is how great it is - because I long for kids so much. Reading this post inspires compassion for what they're going through now, and hopefully I'll remember to save some of that compassion for myself when I need to close the door on a whiny little creature a few years from now.

[Liz McCarthy]

I feel like the worlds worst mother all the time! Especially the middle of the night, wanting to eat moments of a 4 month old.....